There is a difference between helping someone who is disabled, incapable or otherwise infirm versus helping someone who is resisting growing up and taking care of what every adult has to be responsible for: herself or himself.
We are responsible TO each other, not FOR each other. Learn why you shouldn't rescue or enable another's immature behavior and why you should let someone suffer their own consequences.
Actions have consequences. If someone in your life is spending too much money, abusing drugs or refusing to get help, are you setting boundaries against it? Or are excuses being made for them?
When someone messes up, and they say they’re going to change, you'll learn how far an apology will go and acquire the wisdom to discern when it's ok to invest more into the future of the relationship or let it go.
Psychologist and New York Times best-selling author Dr. Henry Cloud discusses the relationship between addicts and enablers.
One reason for this attraction is that there is a match. The addict does not take responsibility for his life, and the codependent feels responsible to take care of people who are not taking responsibility for themselves. You'll learn more about this in the first lesson.
There's nothing wrong with helping someone. But the lines must always be clear as to whether you are helping them to do what they should be doing, or if you are doing for them what they should be doing for themselves. You'll learn more about this in the second lesson.
Just because someone apologizes or says that they're sorry, it does not mean they have changed as a person. It may mean they want to be different, but you must be able to see tangible fruit to know the change is real. You'll learn more about this in the third lesson.
... and if you’ll ever see an end to the cycle you find yourself in. When we have needs in our life that aren’t being met, we’ll find ways to resolve the pain, even if it’s bad for us.