The Biggest Favor Safe People Do For You

Uncategorized Feb 07, 2019

One of the most valuable things you can do with your safe people, ranking up there with asking for help, needing, and melting resistance, is simply to invite the truth about yourself. We have so many blind spots and areas where we aren’t aware of our self-destructiveness. 

There are lots of ways to implement this step. You can ask for feedback in a hundred different ways. However, it could be summarized into two questions. If you will regularly ask these two questions to your safe people, and use the answers, your life can flourish. They are:

1. What do I do that pushes you away from me?
2. What do I do that draws you toward me?

There are few more difficult words to ask a person, yet nothing more helpful. When you ask these questions, you’re saying several important things to your safe people. You’re telling them:

• I value how you feel about me.
• I want you to be a very important part of my life.
• I respect what you observe in me.
• I don’t want to hurt you or our relationship.
• I trust you with my most vulnerable parts.

Many are terrified at the prospect of hearing feedback from others. You may have heard many hurtful or untrue things about yourself from a critical person. Or you may feel that you’re a sham, and that others are waiting to pounce on you and expose you to the world.

Safe people just aren’t wired like that. Your safe person wants you to know the truth for two reasons. First, the truth increases love. People who are free to be honest are free to love each other. This is because the fear of loss of attachment is one. And second, the truth is always your friend. Understanding how we turn people off can go a long way in increasing the quality of our relationships and work lives.

You’ll hear insights, perceptions, emotions, and observations you may have never expected. When people feel truly free to tell you the truth, they tend to be quite honest but also quite loving. Remember, you safe person has heard you take the initiative to ask for the truth. There exists no concrete wall of denials to break through.

Need a safe place to relate to others about this topic? Join one of Dr. Henry Cloud's Boundaries Peer Groups. 

Boundaries in Marriage
Boundaries with Codependency
Boundaries in Dating
 
Boundaries with Parents
Boundaries with Adult Children
Boundaries After Divorce
Boundaries with Narcissists

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