The opposite of a bad self is not a good self. It is a loved self.


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  • When people feel shame, they often feel like that there is something wrong with them, but the reality is, we’re designed to feel shame. It’s a universal feeling, and it’s normal. Everyone struggles or feels shame in one way or another.
  • To overcome shame, every aspect of us needs to be known. If you’ve experienced trauma, you have to let someone know about that, but not just anyone. You have to make sure that it’s not someone above you who is acting like “the good self.” The initial connection is the beginning of healing.

  • We have to avoid the triggers that induce shame. There will be circumstances, people, or content that will prompt feelings of “badness” in us, and when we learn to recognize those triggers and how they bring on uncomfortable feelings, we know that’s the time to get into relationship and reconnect with others who can bring us back into safety and love.


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