Don’t Put Up With Mind Games in RelationshipsApr 22, 2022
There is truth to the idea that we appreciate things that don’t come too easily, but at the same time, things have to be achievable. Good restaurants generally require a reservation’ you just cannot walk in. Why? Because they don’t allow it? No, that’s not why. Rather, because they have a lot of other people who want a table. So you have to make sure to call ahead. But if you call, and you can’t get a reservation for six months, you lose interest. It’s too much of a hassle to go there.
The reason we appreciate things that don’t come too easily is not only because we have to work for them, but also because these things truly have value. Working for something in and of itself is not what gives it value. If you had to work for four years for a candy bar, you wouldn’t do it, but you might work that long for a medical degree. The willingness to work arises from the value of the desired object. The work alone doesn’t make the object desirable.
What does this mean for dating? You should not be so without a life, so needy, and so desperate that you are always able to seat someone at your table. The person with a full life is attractive because he/she has interests beyond whoever is asking them out. They may not necessarily have a lot of dates every night, but they have hobbies and a group of friends with whom they have planned to go out and have fun. Or, imagine this: “No, I can’t go out tomorrow because I’m reading a good book, and I’m really looking forward to some time alone to do that. How about another night?”
This is not playing hard to get. It’s being real about the life you have.
If being real and available turns someone off, then they might be the kind of person you don’t want anyhow. They might be the kind who only wants what they can’t have and who is only into the chase. You don’t want a person who only wants the unavailable. They won’t appreciate what they actually have until they work through whatever is driving that motivation. Let them do that somewhere else with someone else.
Be yourself, be real, and have a full life, and all of that will come through.