Stop Picking the Wrong People in 2023

Dec 30, 2022

We all make mistakes when it comes to assessing the character of others and choosing who to build relationships with. It can be easy to overlook red flags or to be swayed by charming words and actions, only to later realize that the person we thought we knew was not who they appeared to be. These poor choices can lead us into relationships that are not healthy or beneficial for us, causing emotional pain and damage. It is important to be mindful of our own biases and to pay attention to warning signs in order to make more informed decisions about the people we choose to allow into our lives.

This article is not intended to place blame on the victim in an abusive or harmful relationship. Instead, it is meant to examine the patterns and behaviors that can lead us to miss red flags or to overlook warning signs that may indicate that a person is not who they seem. It is natural to want to see the best in people and to believe that they have our best interests at heart, but it also can lead to unfortunate or dangerous outcomes. By examining these patterns and being more mindful of the choices we make, we can protect ourselves from being caught in unhealthy or damaging relationships.

Sometimes, feelings of loneliness or isolation can lead us to stay in harmful relationships because we are afraid to be alone. In order to protect ourselves from this tendency, it is important to have a strong support system in place and to not rely too heavily on any one person. Additionally, our own perfectionistic standards or unresolved issues from the past can lead us to seek out perfectionistic or unhealthy partners. It is important to recognize and address these patterns in order to make better decisions about the relationships we allow into our lives.

It’s essential to understand that we all have character weaknesses that can lead us to repeat unhealthy patterns in our relationships. The key to breaking these patterns is to identify our weaknesses and take steps to address them. To do this, we must be willing to do several things:

  1. Taking responsibility for our actions and acknowledging that we have a problem is an essential first step in addressing unhealthy patterns in our relationships. This process, often referred to as confession, involves acknowledging our own mistakes and acknowledging the role that our own behavior and choices have played in creating and perpetuating the problem. By owning the problem, we can begin to work on changing our behavior and making better choices in the future. It is important to be honest with ourselves and others about the challenges we are facing, and to seek out support and guidance as we work to overcome these issues.
  2. It is important to recognize that we cannot make lasting changes to our character and behavior on our own. Seeking support from others is crucial in the process of addressing and overcoming unhealthy patterns in our relationships. Whether it is through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends and family members, it is important to have a safe and supportive network of people who can provide guidance and encouragement as we work to make positive changes in our lives. Without the help of others, we risk trying to make these changes in a vacuum, which can be difficult at best, and may prove impossible. By seeking out help and support, we can increase our chances of success and make more lasting, positive changes to our behavior and character.
  3. In order to effectively address unhealthy patterns in our relationships, it is important to identify the specific problems and underlying needs that are driving these patterns. These underlying needs might include things like fear, loneliness, perfectionism, or other emotional or psychological issues. By identifying the specific dynamic that we need to work on, we can more effectively target our efforts and make progress in addressing these issues. This process may involve seeking support from a therapist or counselor, who can help us to better understand and address the root causes of our behaviors and patterns. It is important to be open and honest with ourselves and others as we work to identify and address these underlying issues, as this can help us to make more lasting and meaningful changes to our behavior and relationships.
  4. Once we have identified the problems and underlying needs that are driving our unhealthy patterns in relationships, the next step is to build the skills needed to address and overcome these issues. This may involve developing assertiveness, the ability to reach out to supportive people and open up about our challenges, or the ability to confront problems directly and effectively. These skills can help us to better navigate and manage the challenges that arise in our relationships, and can enable us to build healthier, more fulfilling connections with others. It is important to be proactive in seeking out opportunities to develop these skills, whether through therapy, workshops, or other resources. By building these skills, we can better equip ourselves to overcome our problems and create more positive, fulfilling relationships in the future.
  5. Changing our behavior and addressing unhealthy patterns in our relationships is a process that requires time, effort, and patience. It is natural to encounter challenges and setbacks along the way, and it is important to be prepared for these inevitable setbacks and to view them as opportunities for learning and growth. By approaching this process with a willingness to practice and fail, we can learn from our mistakes and continue to work towards our goals. It is also important to remember to go back to our support system for guidance and encouragement when we face setbacks, as the support of others can help us to stay motivated and on track as we work to overcome our challenges. By embracing a mindset of practice and learning, we can make progress and achieve our goals even when things do not go as planned.

By following the steps outlined above and actively working to identify and address unhealthy patterns in our relationships, we can break free from the cycle of choosing unsafe or unhealthy people to date or become friends with. This process involves acknowledging our own faults and taking steps to work through and overcome these patterns. It is not easy, and it requires a willingness to be honest with ourselves and to seek out the support and guidance of others. However, by doing the hard work of admitting our faults and working to change our patterns, we can create a future that is much different than our past. We can build healthier, more fulfilling relationships with others, and we can create a better, more positive future for ourselves.