The 4 Structures We Need to Create Healthy LivesOct 21, 2020
A year or so ago at Dave Ramsey's Smart Conference, I got to sit down with Rachel Cruze and talk about the four key components that give us healthy, fulfilling lives.
We were all designed in a certain way. If you take a house, for example, it was designed for a specific purpose — to give us shelter, to provide protection. Every house is different, but they all have the same basic components.
1. The Foundation: You try to build a house without a foundation, it’s going to fall. The foundation for humans is connection. When a baby is born, you don’t teach it algebra. In the first year of a baby’s life, it establishes the ability to connect and bond with other people and have that secure attachment. Connections are our fuel. If you try to go through life without the fuel of connection, you’re going to feel empty.
2. The Frame: The frame establishes the boundaries and the structure of the house, and that frame does a few things for us. Most importantly, it lets you know what’s inside the house and what’s outside the house. And a person is like that, too. If we have good boundaries, we learn to establish what belongs to us and what belongs to someone else.
3. Appreciation and Resilience: Over time, most houses appreciate in value, although sometimes a storm may come through and cause a little bit of damage. The same thing happens in our relationships. Although we grow in our safe relationships, there may be times when we experience conflict. Do you have the tools to process that? Are you able to offer forgiveness, or do you just see yourself as “bad”? The people who struggle are those who interpret events as a reflection of whether or not they are good or bad.
4. The Roof: Healthy adults are mature adults, and it starts with resolving the issues around authority. We were not created to be our ultimate authority. Take a CEO of a company, for example. A CEO may in charge of a company, but they still have to submit to a board. If we don't resolve our issues around authority, we won't grow up. We will fail to see ourselves as equal to other adults. We'll walk around feeling inferior and seeking approval from others all the time.
So, when we talk about how we can be healthier people, what is it that we need to do? Get connected, have good boundaries, learn to deal with failure and grow up to reach maturity.