The 5 Essentials of Trust

Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship, whether in your personal life or professional sphere. Without trust, connections feel shaky and unreliable. You may have a nagging sense that something isn't quite right, even if you can't put your finger on exactly what the issue is.

So what does it really mean to trust someone? It goes far beyond just believing they won't lie, cheat or steal. True trust is the confidence that someone will protect and prioritize what matters most to you.

When you deeply trust a person, you feel "careless" - not in the sense of being neglectful, but in feeling free of worries about whatever you've entrusted to their care. You can relax knowing they will handle it as if it were their own.

To evaluate and build trust in any relationship, focus on these five key elements:

Understanding

To trust someone, you need to feel heard and understood. The other person should make a sincere effort to listen to your perspective, needs, and feelings. They communicate back to you their accurate understanding of what's important to you.

If understanding is lacking, you'll feel a bit invisible and uneasy. But when you know the other person "gets" you, it allows you to relax and trust.

Motives

A trustworthy person has your best interests at heart. While they have their own needs, they also prioritize yours. They want what's best for you and will act accordingly, even at times to their own detriment.

Their intentions are "for" you, not just for themselves. If you sense their motives are purely self-interested, your trust will naturally be limited.

Abilities

For trust to develop, the other person needs to be capable of handling what you've entrusted to them, whether that's a job responsibility, personal information, or your feelings. They need the knowledge, skills and resources to follow through and deliver.

No matter how good their intentions, if they don't have the ability to do what's needed, trust will be shaky. Competence breeds confidence.

Character

Honesty and integrity are essential for trust - they give someone permission to even be in the game. But the specific character traits needed for trust vary by situation.

Depending on the context, things like compassion, courage, open-mindedness, loyalty or perseverance may be vital. Overall, their character and personal attributes need to be a good match for what you require to feel safe trusting them.

Track Record

Trust is earned through a consistent pattern of behavior over time. When someone repeatedly follows through on promises and delivers positive outcomes, it gives you faith that the same will hold true in the future.

A spotty track record breeds doubt and unease. But when you have evidence you can count on them based on past experience, it allows you to trust more deeply going forward.

By evaluating people based on these five criteria - understanding, motives, abilities, character, and track record - you can make wise choices about where to extend trust. And by embodying these elements yourself, you'll become a person worthy of others' trust.

Building trust takes consistent effort and care. But the payoff of secure, supportive relationships is more than worth it. When trust is strong, both parties can relax into the relationship, feeling confident and "careless" in the best sense of the word.

Reflection Questions:

1. Which of the five elements of trust do you feel is your greatest strength? Which could use some development?
2. Think of a relationship where you feel very trusting. How does that person demonstrate understanding, good motives, ability, character and a positive track record?
3. Reflect on a situation where your trust was damaged. Which elements were lacking? What could have been done differently?
4. Are there any relationships in your life where you may be extending too much trust? Are the five elements truly in place?
5. What's one concrete action you could take this week to build greater trust in an important relationship?