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The Power of Healthy Connections in Your Life

Dec 12, 2018

Your flight lands, and the flight attendant says “It is now safe to use your mobile phones.” You turn yours on, and what is the first thing that happens? There is a little message at the top that says “Searching ...” Or “Searching for connection ...” Or “Searching for network ...”

Until the phone connects with the network, nothing happens. But, when it connects, miracles occur, in the invisible world. The phones capabilities are now empowered to be all they were created to be. Not only that, they can even get better. They can download updates to make them better than they were, or fix bugs in the software. Or they can download apps to be able to do things they couldn’t do before. And beyond that, they can connect to the entire world, all of its information and knowledge, help and skill, to enable better performance. And from this connection, it goes on and on.

But ... without that connection to the right network, they will never be able to do all they were designed to do. They might be able to serve as a clock, calendar for events previously downloaded, a repository for memories of previous communication and experiences in life, or even past experiences kept in photos, old music and the like. But, until that connection is made ... nothing new or better can occur. They have hit the “limit.” Read that again ...”They have hit their limit.”

Humans are exactly like that. You are like that. I am like that. From the moment we are born on this earth, there is a chip inside that is “searching for a connection,” and one to the right network that can provide what we need. Your internal connection chip is looking for the network it needs to do exactly those same things: find energy, download updates in knowledge and functionality, connect to leveraging relationships past ourselves and present ability, experience and performance. And this searching is not optional for any of us. It is hardwired in. It is always turned on, even when we don’t know it, or don’t even desire it. In fact, sometimes when hurt enough, some people try to do away with it and not need anyone at all.

As long as you are alive, your heart and mind and soul will be “searching for a connection.” An “other.” Several others. A community that will bring life and all the ingredients of life that you need to get past the limit of your present existence and performance.

We have seen how this begins in infancy, and goes throughout life. All the way from “the womb to the tomb.” If you are alive, you need connection to thrive. Period. Without connection, everything “fails to thrive,” the medical term used to describe infants who do not get what they need from relationships.

So, exactly like your phone, this leaves us with a few possibilities.

If you are turned on, i.e. breathing and alive, your system needs and is looking for connection. Whether we like it or not, whether we are aware of it or not, whether we manage it well or not, every human is in need of connection for many reasons, not the least of which is energy. We are fueled from the outside, from connection with others. Even introverts are fueled by others, just desiring fewer of them than extroverts (probably because of a nervous system sensitive to being drained by overstimulation).

Have you ever noticed what happens when your phone cannot establish a connection? It runs out of power. Besides needing electricity, it is looking for a connection to thrive and if unable to find one, begins to run down and die quickly, in addition to not being able to do what it is supposed to be doing. And remember why you wanted to turn it on to begin with? So you could get connected to after a few hours of being cut off… are wondering, “Where are my peeps? What’s happening with them? What do they need from me? What do they have for me? I need ______ and I need to find so and so to make that happen.” Just like your phone, this is an indisputable reality of life and performance:

Humans need connection and their systems are always searching for one.

Need a safe place to relate to others about this topic? Join one of Dr. Henry Cloud's Boundaries Peer Groups. 

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