Trust ToxinsMar 15, 2023
Misplaced trust happens in the heart, mind and soul like infection happens in the body. And when we’ve been sickened or infected by mistrust, we do NOT want to go through it again. But there are lessons we can learn about ourselves that will make us more immune to mistrust in the future.
Here are five of the most common reasons people fall prey to the “toxins” of untrustworthy people with the immune system as our model:
- The Equipment Was Never Installed
Our “equipment” to trust starts from day one in utero and continues all through our childhood and formative years. But often, this factory loading does not happen in someone’s development. Sadly, people from abusive or very unhealthy backgrounds often tend to be set up to trust abusive people in familiar patterns.
- We Don’t Learn from Experience
In the same way the adaptive immune system learns from each exposure to infection and toxins, we are to be learning from our relationship experience. Along the way, we learn to see patterns and how to avoid them.
- Lack of Boundaries and Boundary-Setting Skills
The immune system is to our bodies what boundaries are to our hearts and minds. Being able to talk about something that bothers us, quickly, keeps problems from growing larger and prevents us from trusting people who are not trustworthy.
- Lack of Early Antibodies
Learning not to repeat mistakes of misplaced trust is about learning from experience. This is called wisdom. And one of the most important life skills we can ever develop is the ability to judge character.
- Lack of a Tribe, Markers, Supporters and Fighters
Just as the immune system puts a lot of eyes on a toxin to see it and name it to protect you against it, you need friends and other sets of eyes to help you protect yourself emotionally and relationally. Otherwise, you may step into an area of vulnerability.