How to Say No and the Silence Chaos 

Jenna used to believe that she would never learn how to say no and make it stick. But, as she sat at her kitchen table with her coffee in hand, she felt amazed. It was an unfamiliar sensation, but a pleasant one. Her mind wandered back to the events of the morning. 

Her 13-year-old son, Bryson, had begun the day with his usual waking-up attitude. He sulked his way to the breakfast table, announcing, “I’m not going to school. It sucks!”

Normally Jenna would have either tried to talk Bryson into going school, or blown up at him in frustration. However, this morning was different. Jenna simply said, “You’re right, Honey. No one can make you go to school. That has to be something you choose to do. However, if you don’t choose to go to school, you are choosing to stay in your room all day with no phone, no TV, and no computer. But that’s something you’ll have to decide for yourself. What are you going to do?” 

Bryson hesitated in his anger. After a few minutes, he said, “Well, I’ll go, but I don’t have to like it!”

“That’s true,” Jenna agreed. “You don’t have to like a lot of things. But I’m sure you’ve made the right choice.”

She hugged Bryson bye and watched him walk to the bus stop. 

Not ten minutes later, Jenna had received a call from her husband, Michael, who had driven to work early. “Hey, Babe,” he said. “I just found out I have a meeting after work. The last time I showed up late for dinner, there wasn’t any. Think you could save some this time?” Jenna laughed. “Last time, you never called me to let me know. I really appreciate you telling me ahead of time. I’ll feed the kids, and we’ll eat together later.”

Jenna thought to herself, “My teenage son makes it to school, even with a bad attitude. My husband calls me to inform me about schedule changes. I’m dreaming, aren’t I?”

Jenna wasn’t dreaming. She was, for the first time in her life, experiencing the rewards of setting and maintaining clear boundaries in her life. A great deal of hard work and risk-taking had gone into them. Jenna saw visible, demonstrable proof that her boundary work was bearing fruit in her life. Things were different. 

Learn how she silenced the chaos.