What to Do When Someone is Angry at You for Setting Boundaries

It can be difficult to deal with someone who responds to your boundaries with anger, especially if they have been controlling you with their anger in the past. However, it is important to remember that their anger is a reflection of their own issues and not a reflection of you or your boundaries. By staying calm and assertive, you can demonstrate to the other person that their anger will not control or manipulate you.

It is also important to have a support system in place to help you cope with the other person's anger. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your situation and make a plan for how to handle the other person's anger. Anticipate what they might say or do, and plan your response. This will help you to stay calm and focused when the other person becomes angry.

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In addition to having a support system, it is also important to use physical distance and other consequences to enforce your boundaries. For example, you might tell the other person that you will not allow yourself to be yelled at, and that you will leave the room or end the conversation until they can speak to you calmly. This sends a clear message that you will not tolerate their anger, and that they need to respect your boundaries in order to continue the relationship.

By following these steps, you can effectively respond to anger and enforce your boundaries in a healthy and loving way. Remember that setting boundaries is not about controlling or punishing the other person; it is about taking care of yourself and establishing healthy, supportive relationships.

These are the steps:

1. Realize that the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem.

2. View anger realistically. Anger is only a feeling inside the other person. It cannot “get inside” you unless you allow it. Let the anger be in the other person.

3. Do not let anger be a cue for you to do something. People without boundaries respond automatically to the anger of others. They rescue, seek approval, or get angry themselves.

4. Make sure you have your support system in place. If you are going to set some limits with a person who has controlled you with anger, talk to the people in your support system first and make a plan. Know what you will say. Anticipate what the angry person will say, and plan your response.

5. Do not allow the angry person to make you angry. Keep a loving stance while “speaking the truth in love.” If we have boundaries, we will be separate enough to love.

6. Be prepared to use physical distance and other limits that enforce consequences. One woman’s life was changed when she realized that she could say, “I will not allow myself to be yelled at. I will go into the other room until you decide you can talk about this without attacking me. When you can do that, I will talk to you.”