If It Didn't Work Before, Don't Do It the Same Way Again Aug 22, 2022

Sorry is not good enough. If someone has wronged you and they are asking for, or you want to extend them, a second chance, then something has to be different. True repentance can be seen in the real “fruit,” or results, it produces.

If you “go back,” make sure that you are...

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Eight Things Readily Available to Make Positive Change Aug 19, 2022

Research shows over and over again that the change-process happens best and most successfully with the help of other people. There are all sorts of scientific reasons for this, from the way the brain works to our biochemistry, but the bottom line is what we get from other people is essential to...

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Reasons Not to Please Everyone Aug 17, 2022

Successful people realize that just because someone is unhappy with them does not require that they give up their purpose, fold their cards, or change. They realize that making some people unhappy is just part of the deal, and they keep going. When we accept that every decision divides, we quit...

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Honesty and Intimacy Aug 15, 2022

Deception damages a relationship. The act of lying is much more damaging than the things that are being lied about, because lying undermines the knowing of one another and the connection itself. The point at which deception enters is the point at which relatedness ends. As someone once told me...

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10 Reasons We Isolate Ourselves From Others Aug 12, 2022

Many of you have tried again and again to connect with safe people, only to find pain and failure. And now you’ve simply given up. You’ve given up the attempt and the search. It’s just not worth it anymore. As a client of mine explained, “I really can survive on my own....

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Fighting For a Win-Win Solution Aug 10, 2022

 

Conflict is normal in love. It is not a relationship-ender; it is part of love. You need to know this, because it is true. In fact, good conflict enhances a good love life. Am I kidding? No. This may not make sense, at least on the surface. But be open, and press on.

Sometimes couples have...

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Personal Power and Power Drains Aug 08, 2022

I hesitate to use the word “power” here. It seems hackneyed, like we are going back to the eighties. Power ties, power lunches, power suits. The last thing I want to sound like is one of those motivational speaker types telling you to find the power within. So accept my disclaimer....

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What Makes People Unsafe? What Should We Do About It? Aug 05, 2022

Problem:

Someone in your life regularly makes you feel bad, under threat, uncertain and insecure, or thwarts your progress toward meeting your needs or realizing a goal that you wish to accomplish. You are not sure whether the problem is your fault or theirs, or somewhere in between.

Solution:...

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Adding Structure to Your Growth and Healing goals growth healing performance Aug 03, 2022

Getting away from feeling bad because of a situation that you find yourself in, or because you’re in a relationship with someone who mistreats you, is a really strong goal. It can be difficult to imagine the way out though. There are so many steps. You rely upon them. Or you don’t...

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Six Types of Conflict in Marriage conflict marriage Aug 01, 2022

Conflict is not all the same. The rules are different for different kinds of conflict. If one of you comes home late without calling, for example, then confession and an apology are in order. But if you are disagreeing about where to go for dinner, no one should have to grovel as if he has...

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Trauma is Like Being Stuck in One Scene of a Movie ptsd trauma workshops Jul 29, 2022

We hear a lot about trauma, from our friends and loved ones who have served in the military and experienced the horrors of war, to people who have endured abusive relationships with a spouse or a parent. Sometimes a traumatic response may occur when we’ve witnessed something awful, beyond...

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Never Try to Change Another Person Jul 28, 2022

Stephanie was in love with Kyle. They were great together. The problem was that they had very different definitions of what “together” meant. For Stephanie, it meant being firmly committed and moving toward marriage. For Kyle, it meant being together when he was around, yet his being...

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