Get Help From Me When You Need It Most

Uncategorized Nov 29, 2019
 

 

It's that time of year again, and I don' know about you, but I'm excited about what my team and I have to offer for you this holiday season!

I get emails all the time asking about how I can help you, and I'm going to tell you the easiest way to make that happen.

Click here for my best deal of the year, and let me be your coach so that you have a great holiday season, and you're prepared to thrive in 2020!

As some of you know, this is the time of year when we discount our annual membership to $72 per year. That breaks down to just $6 per month (20 cents per day). 60+ hours of coaching videos and courses that will teach you the skills you need to feel better, have stronger relationships and help you meet your goals, and we're adding more courses every month!

This year we're adding a new deal for our community!

Some of you have been with us since the beginning. We know that you appreciate our content because our survey showed that Boundaries.me users rate our content a...

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A Message from Dr. Henry Cloud Ahead of the Holiday Season

Uncategorized Nov 12, 2019

Ok, let's be honest with ourselves. Holidays can be the best and the worst of times. Often there is a mixture of both. We get time with the people who give us the most meaning, fun and fulfillment, and we often“get to" spend time with some that can do the opposite. They can be difficult, or even painful to be around. Yet, for bigger reasons than our own wishes, we need to. Also, there can be activities that bring great fulfillment and some that don't. Again, we often find ourselves squeezed between competing wishes and priorities, ours and others.

Holidays are meant to be a time of meaning. Spiritual, relational, traditional, and other kinds of deep meaning are symbolized by this time. Your heart, soul and spirit long for meaning at this time of year and will be asking you to make sure that they get it. With each decision of how you are going to spend valuable time and energy, use the “meaning meter.” Ask yourself, "Is that really the way I want to spend...

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Tis’ the Season to Set Some Boundaries with Family

Uncategorized Nov 08, 2019

When you were born, you were placed you into a family for a season of time to help you grow into a mature adult. At some point this season ends, and your relationship with your parents changes from child-to-parent to adult-to-adult. The roles change from dependency and authority to mutuality. While you are to respect and care for your mother and father, you are no longer under their protection and tutelage. Children are to obey parents, while adult children are to love and honor them. Therefore, situations will occur where you need to make decisions and set boundaries with family with which they may not agree.

[RELATED: SAVE YOUR SANITY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. TAKE MY FREE HOLIDAY BOUNDARIES COURSE]

For example, you might decide to spend some traditional holiday time apart from your family. This can often be a cause for a confrontational talk:

You: “Mom, I wanted to let you know as soon as I could that I’ve made plans to go to the mountains with some friends this Christmas....

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Life Isn’t Less Messy Because the Holidays are Here

Uncategorized Nov 02, 2019

The holidays can be a tough time for people that are feeling down. If you're not feeling holiday cheer, many people think you're a grinch.

But not everyone wants to “deck the halls” and sing “fa-la-la-la-la.”

[RELATED: YOUR FREE BOUNDARIES FOR THE HOLIDAYS SURVIVAL COURSE IS HERE! GET ACCESS NOW.]

Some people get the holiday blues every year, whether because of some bad memories or past experiences that they haven't dealt with, or simply because of the stress. Others have experienced misfortune recently: a bad breakup or the loss of a job. Likewise, people dealing with serious depression don't get a break from their demons just because Santa is coming to town.

It's important to remember that life doesn't stop happening to people just because there are Christmas lights out. Life can be messy and real, and we have to make room in our hearts to understand that some people are dealing with a lot this season.

One of the worst things we can do to people is to tell...

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What a Car Accident Taught Me About Responsibility

Uncategorized Oct 31, 2019

My father was awesome. I loved him with all my heart. He was my mentor, coach, fuel, and supporter in so many ways. He was also big on responsibility and accountability.

As far back as I can remember, my father always told me that I was going to go to college if I wanted to. He would say, “Son, don’t worry about college. It is already paid for. That’s my job. But your job is to study hard so you can get in. I can’t do that for you. But then, after you go, I’m done. You’ll be on your own.” Then with a smile he would add, “You can drop by for a sandwich if you want, but don’t expect much more than that.”

I will never forget one time when this responsibility arrangement felt like the last thing I needed or wanted. I felt I needed help—big-time help—not responsibility.

It was the summer of my freshman year in college, and I was at home in Mississippi for the summer. My college girlfriend was in Texas that summer,...

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Stop the Negative Thinking Patterns from Spiraling in Your Mind

Uncategorized Sep 22, 2019

The minds of some people seem to work negatively all the time on just about everything. Whatever the event, problem or opportunity, they cast a dark light on it which discourages them and keeps them from the moves they need to make. For them, the glass is always half-empty, and the light at the end of the tunnel is always a train.

[RELATED: STAND UP TO SHAME, AND GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR REALITY.]

Research indicates that negative thinkers will key in on three basic areas of life: themselves, the world and the future. They see themselves as unlucky, even as losers who never get a break. They look at the world as unfriendly to them, oppressing their chances, and giving others more opportunity. They don’t see their future as positive and hopeful. It seems bleak and dark, with no hope to brighten up.

You may have tendencies toward negative thinking and not even be aware of them. You may think you are simply being realistic. You may even think, “Those positive thinkers are out...

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The Structure Your Child Needs Comes Down to Love

Uncategorized Sep 21, 2019

In today’s environment, we often question how much of a child’s time needs to be on a schedule. We don’t want to over-schedule a child so that they never have a childhood, so where do we find that balance? I get concerned, more so at older ages, that kids have way more activities than they can metabolize. Plus, I mourn for all of the “childhood” experiences that they are missing on their way to the Olympics. It is scary.

[RELATED: STAND UP TO MOMMY SHAMING.]

Having said that, the first thing we have to remember is that there is a difference between “scheduled” or “programmed” vs. “structured.” Let’s get that one straight first. To my mind, what scheduled or programmed means is that the tasks or activities that are going to be happened are decided and defined for the child. They are in dance, or art, or some activity that is set for them. These are very good for a few reasons.

First of all, they build skills in...

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Setting Boundaries with Toxic People at Work

Uncategorized Sep 20, 2019

When you’re dealing with difficult people, be prepared to encounter resistance, arguments, justifications, excuses, attacks and the like. Just learn to accept that as part of the territory and do not try to fix it. That’s not your job, and the less you get caught up in rabbit trails, the clearer things will be for you.

[RELATED: HOW TO STAND UP TO A SOMEONE WHO GASLIGHTS YOU.]

But when you’re confronting someone at work, especially a boss, what you know about addressing personal issues may not be to your benefit in a professional setting. Whenever I teach on this, I get questions about the workplace, because people often do not feel free to say anything out of fear of losing their jobs.

And I appreciate those questions, as there is a hierarchy of needs in life. It’s more critical that you have food and clothing than a boss who is kind to you. However, that doesn’t do away with the need to be treated in humane ways either. If you are in a toxic work...

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The Hardest Boundaries You'll Set in Your Life

Uncategorized Sep 18, 2019

In each of our lives, there's one person who's always tearing us down, who recklessly spends our money and makes inexplicable decisions that cost us valuable time, and sometimes that person can let us down like no one else. Yep, I'm talking about myself. And you. And everyone who struggles to place boundaries that they can adhere to in their own lives.

Being mature about the boundaries we set for ourselves is tough.

[RELATED: THREE FREE TOOLS TO HELP YOU BREAK CODEPENDENT HABITS]

How to begin:

Address your real need!

Out-of-control patterns often disguise themselves as something else. You need to address the underlying need before you can deal with the out-of-control behavior. For example, impulsive eaters may discover that food is a way to separate and stay safe from romantic and sexual intimacy. Their fear of being faced with those kinds of emotionally laden situations may cause them to use food as a boundary. As their internal boundaries with the opposite sex become firmer, they...

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How to Reject Your Negative Thinking Patterns

Uncategorized Sep 14, 2019

Your mind has been coming up with excuses to keep you from owning your future, and it has probably been doing so for a long time. As you become more self-aware, start identifying the slogans you have been repeating to yourself that have been chaining you down. We all have them. But go further than that and create new slogans that counter the bad ones. Craft these new slogans so that they put the true vision into perspective.

Write these new slogans down and keep them around you in places that will remind you of what is true and real. Put them on the backdrop on your phone. Place sticky notes on your bathroom mirror and refrigerator. When negative thoughts invade your mind, look at these notes. When you are doing ok, look at them anyway and keep yourself centered on reality. When you are doing the cognitive work of training your mind, the personal work of embracing reality, and being humble and forgiving, the presence of these new slogans can be powerful and effective.

Here are a few...

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