Why Your Pain Isn't the Result of God Punishing You Mar 07, 2022

You may be familiar with the story of Job -- his suffering was not the result of some sin he had done; in fact, he suffered because he was doing such a good job in life. God pointed Job out as an example of righteousness (Job 1:8), and then God allowed him to suffer for his purposes (see...

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Addressing Gaslighting that Takes Place in Church Mar 05, 2022

A new group for divorced singles was opening up at Megan’s church, so she decided to join. On the first night there, she shared a story about the issues with her husband. 

“He was an addict, and I made excuses for his behavior all the time. I didn’t want to believe things were that bad, so I...

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Unsafe People Exist at Church, Too Mar 05, 2022

I got an emergency call, and the office relayed to me that I had a suicidal client. I called Theresa on the phone. She was distraught.

“Tell me what happened,” I said.

“It’s not going to work,” Theresa replied, sobbing.

“What isn’t going to work?”

...

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The Pain You Experienced from the Past isn't Sinful Mar 05, 2022

Denying our sinfulness is natural. Who wants to claim something that makes us uncomfortable? It's not easy to own.

But what about negative feelings that are not sinful -- the ones that result merely from living in a less-than-perfect world or from getting sinned against? What is one to do with...

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MYTH: Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds - Here's Why Mar 04, 2022

Somehow this idea that time heals all wounds has become a very popular one, and yet that kind of thinking can be a big source of pain for a lot of people (especially those with an infected tooth!). Time passing by itself doesn't do much for us at all. It's all of the things that we do that...

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How to Rebuild Your Life After Heartbreak Mar 01, 2022

I hate exercise, but I do it. I hate lifting weights and riding my exercise bike, but I do it. I do it because, if I do, I will be healthier, will live longer, and will feel better.

So, why bring up exercise when we're talking about suffering and grief? Well, first of all, it shows you that I am...

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The Devastating Results of Spiritual Abuse, Shaming Feb 28, 2022

Laurel’s father had insisted his 22-year-old daughter come see me. Laurel, a college student, was suffering from depression. She had no appetite and had trouble sleeping and studying. Her father accompanied her to the appointment.

“What’s the problem?” I asked Laurel,...

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Just Because You Forgive, it Doesn’t Mean You Have to Trust Again Feb 14, 2022


“I know I’m supposed to forgive,” a woman said to me at a seminar. “But, I just can’t open myself up to that kind of hurt anymore. I know I should forgive him and trust him, but if I let him back in, the same thing will happen, and I can’t go through that...

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Unsafe People Will Apologize Without Changing Their Behavior Feb 05, 2022

"But he's really sorry this time," she said. "When I confronted him with what I knew, he cried and said he was so heartbroken about what he had done. I could tell he was really torn up about it."

My counselee was referring to her husband, whom she had discovered had been seeing another woman. She...

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Being Vulnerable Does Not Mean You Don't Have Boundaries Feb 02, 2022

When two people in a relationship hurt each other, their relationship can be restored if they allow their hearts to be vulnerable.

Soft-hearts vs. hard hearts are the real issue, and a soft heart is vulnerable. But, the problem is that when people hurt each other, there is a danger that for...

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How to Find the Courage To Trust After Being Hurt Feb 01, 2022

In this episode of The Dr. Cloud Show, we had a caller who wanted to discuss some of the betrayal she's experienced in previous relationships, and how it was affecting her current relationship with her boyfriend.

According to the caller, she said that her boyfriend had not done anything to hurt...

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Why Inviting the Truth is the Best Thing You Can Do for Your Relationship Jan 31, 2022

One of the most valuable things you can do with your safe people, ranking up there with asking for help, needing, and melting resistance, is simply to invite the truth about yourself. We have so many blind spots and areas where we aren’t aware of our self-destructiveness. 

There are...

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