How You Know When It's Time to Cut Something From Your Life

Uncategorized Jul 20, 2020

Do a dictionary search on pruning and you’ll discover phrases like this: A function of cutting away to reduce the extent or reach of something by taking away unwanted or superfluous parts.

Wow, if only we would lead and live by definitions! In the simple word pruning is the central theme of what a necessary ending is all about:

Removing whatever it is in our life whose reach is unwanted or superfluous.

In life, executing necessary end­ings is what characterizes people who get results. (1) If an initiative is siphoning off resources that could go to something with more promise, it is pruned. (2) If an endeavor is sick and is not going to get well, it is pruned. (3) If it’s clear that something is already dead, it is pruned. This is the threefold formula for doing well in almost every arena of life.

The areas of your life that require your limited resources — your time, energy, talent, emotions, money — but are not achieving the vision you have for them...

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Make the Most of Your Energy - Say No to the Unimportant

Uncategorized Jul 17, 2020

You need to realize how much time and energy you have, and manage your work accordingly.

Know what you can do and when you can do it, and say no to everything else.
Learn to know your limits and enforce them, as Laurie did. Say to your team or your boss, “If I am going to do A today, I will not be able to do B until Wednesday. Is that okay or do we need to rethink which one I need to be working on?”

Effective workers do two things: they strive to do excellent work, and they spend their time on the most important things. Many people do excellent work but allow themselves to get sidetracked by unimportant things; they may do unimportant things very well! They feel like they are doing a great job, but their boss is upset because essential goals are not being met. Then they feel unappreciated and resentful because they have put out so much effort. They were working hard, but they weren’t placing boundaries on what they allowed to take up their time, and the really...

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When You Set Boundaries, Your Consequences Will Maintain Them

Uncategorized Jul 17, 2020

Danielle had a problem with tardiness. She believed time was like an accordion; the more events you packed into it, the more it would simply stretch to accommodate the activities. As a result, she always planned too many things for a particular time period, thinking she had time to do them, and then ended up half an hour late for the last one. This not only kept her rushed and unable to relax and enjoy life but also inconvenienced her friends who had set aside time to be with her. 

When she joined a support group, she immediately became an active and involved member. She was a caring person and so well liked that when her lateness trait emerged, the group quickly forgave it. In fact, they would wait until she rushed in before they'd start discussing issues. They finally saw that the problem wasn't getting better, so they told her, "Danielle, we care about you, but we're concerned about your tardiness. It's bad for you and for us. So from now on, we're starting on time, whether...

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Addressing Mental Health Goes Beyond Prayer

Uncategorized Jul 15, 2020

 God is a person who does certain things that produce life, over and over again. And, he has created us in his image, able to do those same things. We are to be “like him,” living healthy lives. So, as we grow in his image, doing what he does, healing occurs as a result. I began to understand that salvation equals healing, just as the Greek word implies. Said another way: The more that God helps us to become like him, bearing his image, we get well. So what does that look like?

As I wrote in my book “Changes That Heal,” I think this happens in four basic areas:

First, God is able to form emotional connections. He bonds with the other members of the Trinity, and then with us. He has ongoing, unbroken relationships, and created us to be able to do the same. What we know from science and experience is that disconnection, or emotional isolation and detachment lead to all sorts of emotional and relational problems. From depression, to anxiety, to breakdowns...

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You Don't Have to Get Used to Living in Misery

Uncategorized Jul 15, 2020

Life and business involve pain. Sometimes, creating an ending might cause a little hurt, like pulling a tooth. But it is good pain. If gives life to you or to your business. Similarly, the rosebush snaps back when it gets pruned.

But there is another kind of pain, one that should not be embraced, one that you want to do everything in your power to end. The pain I am referring to is misery that goes nowhere. That is not normal, and when it happens, it is time to wake up. It is time to realize that anytime pain is going nowhere fast, a few things must be occurring.

First, you might have become acclimated to the misery in some way. You have gotten so used to it that you no longer feel it as pain but view it as normal. Pain by nature is a signal that something is wrong, and action is required. So pain should be driving you to do something to end it. But if you are not making moves to end the dull misery of something going nowhere, then you may have told yourself nothing is really...

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Get the Desired Outcome You Want from Setting Boundaries

Uncategorized Jul 12, 2020

In the words of Steven Covey, it’s important to “begin with the end in mind.” Let’s be clear about that here. What is it we are trying to accomplish? The simple answer is this:

Gain control.

We are not trying to gain control of other people or of all the circumstances or even all of the outcomes. Those things will take care of themselves as you gain control of the only thing you can ever control — yourself. As you do that, you will experience the things all of us desire in the integration of work and life.

The irony is that most people are so caught up in trying to control the things they cannot control — other people, circumstances, or outcomes — that in the process they lose control of themselves. And here is the real paradox. It is only when you do take control of yourself that you will begin to have significant influence on those other things: people, circumstances, and outcomes. People in control of themselves do the most to...

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Habits for Self Medicating Can Become Addicting

Uncategorized Jul 10, 2020

There are a thousand ways we humans have come up with to self-medicate, but they are all ultimately a trap of our own devising and lead to diminished lives. One executive I worked with used to medicate with retail therapy.  When I asked her about it, she said, “This is how I medicate. When things are not going well, or I have a tough interaction with one of my bosses, I take a break. I slip out and go shopping. Until now, I just thought it was a normal break and getting away from it all. Now I can see … it’s medicine. It’s a connection. I have a connection with retail.

Another person I knew was addicted to Fantasy Football. All he needed was a little stress, something to make him feel a little down, and he could lose hours on his computer. Any golfers, hunters, fishermen or sports enthusiasts listening?

Another executive I worked with was late for a dinner meeting. When he arrived, he said, “I have a confession.”

“What?” I asked....

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What I've Learned After Being in Pain

Uncategorized Jul 09, 2020

If you've tuned in to The Dr. Cloud Show this week, you've heard me talk about the knee replacement surgery I had last Thursday, and during my recovery,  I've learned that all of the stuff we talk about on the show is so true, especially in a handful of areas. 

I had surgery in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, and visitors aren't allowed in the hospital at this time, so I was alone for a few days, kind of in isolation. There were nurses who were there to administer pain medication and whatnot, but other than that, I wasn't allowed to have my wife with me, and I couldn't have visitors. 

Generally, I'm the best "alone" person. Believe it or not, I'm an introvert! I love my alone time. I never thought that being alone would actually be a problem for me, and I honestly thought I'd be just fine in the hospital. But here's what I learned. 

When you're in pain, what happens is, it goes into this subjective experience. It sits in the present with you. It doesn't...

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Keep Your Money. I Want to Help You.

Uncategorized Jul 08, 2020
 

From the messages I've received over the past several years, I have an understanding that people have a deep desire to be in control of their lives. It's especially affirming when they know that God is also behind that idea, too.

I created Boundaries.Me to give you easy, instant access to coaching from me. I want to be there to walk alongside your journey as you navigate conflict and pain in your life, and come out feeling equipped, empowered, and encouraged on the other side.

Here's what you'll get when you join Boundaries.Me:

  • Daily coaching from me
  • A private support community where I'm leading conversations
  • Assessment tools to help put you on a path towards healing
  • An intuitive search option to help you find courses and conversations you want to watch
  • Categories of courses that are divided into the big three areas of your life - emotional, relational and performance - for easy access and better accountability
  • An entire library of more than 300 conversations from me

You can start...

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What to do When You Have a Boundary-Resistant Spouse

Uncategorized Jul 06, 2020

A boundary-resistant person refuses to acknowledge any wrongdoing and will not accept correction or feedback. The basic attitude of someone who resists boundaries is this: "I should be able to do whatever I want to do in life." Ultimate freedom is the highest value for such a person. But boundaries dictate that you cannot do what you want all of the time.

When confronting someone who violates boundaries, remember that sometimes ignorance is the cause. Your spouse may be crossing your boundaries without knowing it. Always approach the issue from this perspective first. If your spouse accepts the feedback and repents, the conflict will already be on the road toward resolution. But if your spouse resists, consider these steps:

1. Gather around you a circle of friends from whom you can draw emotional support during the time of conflict with your spouse.

2. Make sure you are right with God and growing closer to Him.

3. Identify the specific issue that is the source of conflict. What...

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