Why People Hide Their Feelings Sep 16, 2022

Something happens to the openness and intimacy of a relationship’s early seasons. The two people slowly stop communicating what they really think and feel, and they slowly get further and further away from each other emotionally. Their hearts either settle into a partial intimacy or a...

Continue Reading...
Stop Searching For Your Other Half Sep 14, 2022

Here is a misconception that many people seem to hold. It stems from trying to solve an age-old math problem the wrong way. It looks like this:

½ person + ½ person = 1 whole person

Here is this wrong point of view stated another way: “I am incomplete as a person, and you are...

Continue Reading...
There Are No Perfect 10s Sep 12, 2022

One of the biggest relationship killers around is comparing the person you love to a fantasy. The truth is, a real person can never match up to the fantasy. Even if the fantasized person is a real person, the fantasy of being with that person is far from what actually being with them would really...

Continue Reading...
Add Some Pain to Consequences to Protect Your Boundaries Sep 09, 2022

Our best relationships still cannot rescue us. Instead, they hold us responsible for our performance. There are standards and there are consequences. Few things are worse for people than rewarding or overlooking poor performance and bad behavior. It clearly tells the underachiever, “What...

Continue Reading...
How to Develop the Strength to Gain Control of Your Life Sep 07, 2022

I would like for you to feel solidly in control of your life. You cannot control other people, but you can get in control of yourself. You have to be able to make the choices you need in order to make your life work, belong to you, and integrate around the things important to you. That may...

Continue Reading...
Rules Are the Cure for Misery Sep 05, 2022

Sometimes rules get a bad rap. Please don’t get defensive about the idea of having rules in your life. I would like you to understand something. If you knew me well, you would know that I am not a very “rulesy” person. I know those kinds of people are usually not the ones I like...

Continue Reading...
Say the Right Words (Not the Wrong Ones) Sep 02, 2022

Have you ever heard yourself say, “Whatever possessed me to say yes to this in the first place? Why didn’t I just say no?” Or, after making a deal, have you ever thought, “Why didn’t I ask for ______?” If you have, that is pretty normal or at least common....

Continue Reading...
Adding Structure to Your Boundaries Aug 31, 2022

What do you think of when you think of the word “structure”? For some people, it is their worst nightmare. “I do not want to be in an overly structured environment,” they instantly think–and probably for good reason. Everyone has had some experience where rules,...

Continue Reading...
Practical Suggestions For Confronting a Parent Aug 29, 2022

Confronting a parent or guardian or whoever raised us is probably the most complex of all face-to-face boundaries. You are now an adult, but you have a long history of being your parent’s child. You have been under their care, authority, training, and nurturing. You have been corrected and...

Continue Reading...
Dealing With People Who Resist or Thwart Confrontation Aug 26, 2022

If you have a resistant person in your life, the number one stance you will need to adopt to learn how to deal with them is this: stop being surprised that they do not welcome the truth. Nothing can happen until you acept the reality that, for whatever reason, they avoid confrontation. Many...

Continue Reading...
How To Stop a Behavior That's Bothering You Aug 24, 2022

Think for a moment about this question: IS anyone in your life doing something you would like him or her to quit doing? It is probably easy to think of someone who does something that bothers you. In fact, given enough time, you could think of more than one person. For most people, there are...

Continue Reading...
If It Didn't Work Before, Don't Do It the Same Way Again Aug 22, 2022

Sorry is not good enough. If someone has wronged you and they are asking for, or you want to extend them, a second chance, then something has to be different. True repentance can be seen in the real “fruit,” or results, it produces.

If you “go back,” make sure that you are...

Continue Reading...