There is truth to the idea that we appreciate things that don’t come too easily, but at the same time, things have to be achievable. Good restaurants generally require a reservation’ you just cannot walk in. Why? Because they don’t allow it? No, that’s not why. Rather,...
I was talking to a young man one day about his girlfriend. He was thinking about taking the next step in their relationship, and he had questions. Several times during the conversation, he said that something she did or something about the relationship did not “make him happy.” It was...
Are you in some type of relationship (it could be personal or work-related) where you are trying to get someone to be or do something different? But that person isn’t listening, or doesn’t desire to change, or doesn’t want what you want for him or her?
If so ... it’s time...
It felt like I was at Wimbledon watching a tennis match, but instead of a tennis ball that was flying back and forth, it was blame. In tennis, players hit the ball back and forth over the net. In this counseling session with Jeremy and Rachel, one would blame the other, and before the shot ever...
My daughters and I recall with laughter the game that we began years ago to combat blaming and excusing in our house. It did not begin with a case of “The dog hate my homework,” but with a dad (me) who was about ready to catch his hair on fire if he heard one more “But she...
In the last 30 years or so, we have seen a big swing in the way that Christians look at anger. Back then, it was almost all seen as sin. And, there are a lot of verses that tell us about the danger of anger, for it can be a very destructive emotion. As Proverbs 27:4 says, “Anger is cruel...
Psychologists spend an enormous amount of energy building psychological tests, assessments, and the like, and then administering them to people to help them understand themselves. This practice is very helpful in many settings, from work, to education, to couples and individuals. Insight into...
Any good confrontation takes into account that two people are involved. This sounds obvious, but it really isn’t, and it is an essential part of an effective boundary conversation.
One reason you have a problem in the first place is that you and the person you want to confront are not of...
Sometimes we struggle to ask for help. You may be the person everyone runs to for help, or maybe you feel like you would be a burden to someone. Let’s talk about the ways that make it ok for us to seek help from others.
Here are a few of the reasons asking is helpful for us:
- When we ask,...
Marriage is intended by God as a union of two complete persons. It is only when two mature and whole individuals come together in marriage that their union will be complete. Marriage is not designed to be a shortcut to maturity, a way of completing yourself. Rather, God designed marriage as a way...
The Bible often warns us to avoid toxic people, or at least their toxic behavior. God wants us to be very careful to stay clear of people who can destroy the life that he desires to create for us. Listen to the way that King David put it:
The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to...
Many Christians misunderstand grace, even those who are helping people grow. Usually people think that grace means forgiveness or the absence of condemnation. And the God of grace is the one who forgives. But while forgiveness is an expression of the grace of God, grace is much bigger than just...
