Sometimes we feel guilty without actually being guilty. We feel ashamed for things about which we need not feel shame. Why is there so much confusion around guilt and shame? Are guilt and shame ever useful, or good? Let’s explore the concepts of guilt and shame first, and then clear up the...
If you’re in therapy, or working on yourself, and you’ve spoken with other people about it (particularly family), you may find that after a while you’ll start to hear questions like:
- Aren’t you done with therapy yet?
- When will you be well?
- Isn’t it getting worse...
“Just call him and tell him that it is over,” I said to Marsha. I had listened to her for months now about her dating relationship with Scott and how she could not stand some of his hurtful patterns. And I was getting both concerned and tired of her denial of the kind of person that...
Brianna used to believe that she would never learn how to say no and make it stick. But, as she sat at her kitchen table with a coffee cup in hand, she felt amazed. It was an unfamiliar sensation, but a pleasant one. Her mind wandered back to the events of the morning. Her eight-year-old son,...
A great deal of helpful research has been done on cognitive distortions. Most cognitive experts agree that our brains sometimes automatically reach conclusions about things based on some habit or perception rather than accurately relating to what is really going on. Though it seems to us that we...
Developing the ability and confidence to say "no" to others is an important aspect of healthy communication and one of the foundational concepts of setting boundaries. Unfortunately, for some individuals, saying "no" can be extremely difficult.
There are many reasons, justifications, excuses, and...
It is not uncommon to feel like you are less than, or unequal to, the people around you. In some cases, this can be a great thing. You’ve probably heard it said that there are benefits to being the least smart person in the room. By surrounding yourself with people who have accomplished...
Perfectionism is one of the most common and potentially destructive roadblocks that you might encounter in your daily life. It often leads to procrastination, fear of failure, and an inability to recognize and accept one's own natural and inevitable limitations. When we try to be perfect, we are...
Connectedness is the foundation of human thriving. When we are connected in our relationships, we feel fueled and energized. Disconnectedness does the opposite. When we are not connected to others, when we are not getting outside intelligence, accountability, respect, acknowledgment, intimacy,...
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for protecting our personal treasures – feelings, attitudes, behaviors, choices, limits, talents, thoughts, values, and desires that make us who we are.
Too often, these vital attributes and qualities are ignored. Sometimes we may not even be fully...
Boundaries are, in large part, about setting limits. But what is a limit? Just like a speed limit keeps us safe, so too do our own personal limits function to keep us safe. They limit the ability of someone or something to cross our boundaries.
Setting a limit does not necessarily have to come...
Helping someone through a difficult time, whether it's due to a loss they have experienced, a hard situation or season that they are going through, or recovery from addiction, can be emotionally and physically draining. It's important to offer support and structure to those going through these...
