Confronting a parent or guardian or whoever raised us is probably the most complex of all face-to-face boundaries. You are now an adult, but you have a long history of being your parent’s child. You have been under their care, authority, training, and nurturing. You have been corrected and...
If you have a resistant person in your life, the number one stance you will need to adopt to learn how to deal with them is this: stop being surprised that they do not welcome the truth. Nothing can happen until you acept the reality that, for whatever reason, they avoid confrontation. Many...
Think for a moment about this question: IS anyone in your life doing something you would like him or her to quit doing? It is probably easy to think of someone who does something that bothers you. In fact, given enough time, you could think of more than one person. For most people, there are...
Sorry is not good enough. If someone has wronged you and they are asking for, or you want to extend them, a second chance, then something has to be different. True repentance can be seen in the real “fruit,” or results, it produces.
If you “go back,” make sure that you are...
Research shows over and over again that the change-process happens best and most successfully with the help of other people. There are all sorts of scientific reasons for this, from the way the brain works to our biochemistry, but the bottom line is what we get from other people is essential to...
Successful people realize that just because someone is unhappy with them does not require that they give up their purpose, fold their cards, or change. They realize that making some people unhappy is just part of the deal, and they keep going. When we accept that every decision divides, we quit...
Deception damages a relationship. The act of lying is much more damaging than the things that are being lied about, because lying undermines the knowing of one another and the connection itself. The point at which deception enters is the point at which relatedness ends. As someone once told me...
Many of you have tried again and again to connect with safe people, only to find pain and failure. And now you’ve simply given up. You’ve given up the attempt and the search. It’s just not worth it anymore. As a client of mine explained, “I really can survive on my own....
Conflict is normal in love. It is not a relationship-ender; it is part of love. You need to know this, because it is true. In fact, good conflict enhances a good love life. Am I kidding? No. This may not make sense, at least on the surface. But be open, and press on.
Sometimes couples have...
I hesitate to use the word “power” here. It seems hackneyed, like we are going back to the eighties. Power ties, power lunches, power suits. The last thing I want to sound like is one of those motivational speaker types telling you to find the power within. So accept my disclaimer....
Problem:
Someone in your life regularly makes you feel bad, under threat, uncertain and insecure, or thwarts your progress toward meeting your needs or realizing a goal that you wish to accomplish. You are not sure whether the problem is your fault or theirs, or somewhere in between.
Solution:...
Getting away from feeling bad because of a situation that you find yourself in, or because you’re in a relationship with someone who mistreats you, is a really strong goal. It can be difficult to imagine the way out though. There are so many steps. You rely upon them. Or you don’t...
