How to Develop Trust After You've Been Betrayed Aug 16, 2020

We trust someone that we know “understands” us, our context, our situation, our needs, what makes it work for us, and what makes it break down. When they truly understand, and we experience that with that understanding, they care, the connection of empathy opens us up to trust them.

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Three Mistakes People Make That Will Never Resolve Conflict Aug 15, 2020

Have you ever had a relationship where you thought everything was going okay, and then you didn’t call home when you were going to be late, and your partner treated you like you had leprosy?

Or, have you thought you were doing well in a sport, and then played a rotten game, and felt...

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Why It's OK to End Something That's Wasting Your Time Aug 11, 2020

I was on a golfing trip one year when I met a guy named Blair. When I asked Blair about his line of work, he said he was in bonds. 

“Wow, that’s cool.” I said. “Have you been in bonds for a long time?”

“Not too long,” he said. “It’s a...

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How to Foster Better Relationships and Create Life-Giving Boundaries Aug 08, 2020

Boundaries have a two-sided nature. You may lose something, but you gain a new life of peacefulness and self control.

Fear of the unknown is a really powerful internal obstacle to overcome when setting boundaries. As one woman said, "I didn't want to move out of Hell. I knew the names of all the...

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The Difference Between Being Responsible For Someone and To Someone Aug 06, 2020

When it comes to helping others, I get a lot of questions about the difference between being responsible for someone and being responsible to someone. Hopefully this will clear some of that up and help you make the distinction in the future.

The Law of Responsibility says that you are responsible...

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9 Ways Words Kill a Relationship Aug 04, 2020

In a group I was leading once, a man held the floor for some time. He’d go off on tangents, change the subject and spend inordinate amounts of time on irrelevant details.

(I promise it wasn’t me this time.)

He couldn’t seem to get to the point. Other members were spacing out,...

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Addressing Gaslighting that Takes Place in Church Aug 03, 2020

A new group for divorced singles was opening up at Megan’s church, so she decided to join. On the first night there, she shared a story about the issues with her husband. 

“He was an addict, and I made excuses for his behavior all the time. I didn’t want to believe things...

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A Lesson From My Daughter Jul 31, 2020

It was a holiday weekend, and I was at a celebration that included a memorial “paddle out” on surfboards in the Pacific Ocean to honor and remember my brother-in-law, Mark. He was a Navy SEAL, a great American, husband, father, hero, brother, and a friend. Mark died on a mission in...

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You're Not Responsible for an Addict's Behavior Jul 30, 2020

You develop codependent habits because you care, and you don’t want to hurt anyone. You want to see an addict get better or feel good, but When we see our loved ones suffering, it’s easy to want to come to their rescue. But the reality is, you can’t just take on their feelings,...

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How to Negotiate and Get What You Want Jul 30, 2020

In life, you don't get what you want. You get what you negotiate. The things we want are very doable. They're attainable. But there's an obstacle in the way because it requires an agreement from someone on the other side that has some power to block it or say no. And we have to be able to get to...

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How Healthy is Your Most Important Relationship? Find Out. Jul 29, 2020

 

What’s your relationship with the word no? Do you get along well? Are you friends, or are you strangers?

 

If I’ve got a conflict with the word no, then I am going to have some problems in life. The word no is one of the most important tools that you have in your toolbox...

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A List of Toxic People to Set Boundaries With Jul 27, 2020

As you go through this list, I want you to know that it isn’t exhaustive, but in each one of these relationships, we see common problems with boundaries and those who violate them. Keep this list handy, as it can serve as a resource for you to refer back to when you need a reminder. 

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