Personal Power and Power Drains Aug 08, 2022

I hesitate to use the word “power” here. It seems hackneyed, like we are going back to the eighties. Power ties, power lunches, power suits. The last thing I want to sound like is one of those motivational speaker types telling you to find the power within. So accept my disclaimer....

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What Makes People Unsafe? What Should We Do About It? Aug 05, 2022

Problem:

Someone in your life regularly makes you feel bad, under threat, uncertain and insecure, or thwarts your progress toward meeting your needs or realizing a goal that you wish to accomplish. You are not sure whether the problem is your fault or theirs, or somewhere in between.

Solution:...

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Adding Structure to Your Growth and Healing goals growth healing performance Aug 03, 2022

Getting away from feeling bad because of a situation that you find yourself in, or because you’re in a relationship with someone who mistreats you, is a really strong goal. It can be difficult to imagine the way out though. There are so many steps. You rely upon them. Or you don’t...

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Six Types of Conflict in Marriage conflict marriage Aug 01, 2022

Conflict is not all the same. The rules are different for different kinds of conflict. If one of you comes home late without calling, for example, then confession and an apology are in order. But if you are disagreeing about where to go for dinner, no one should have to grovel as if he has...

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Trauma is Like Being Stuck in One Scene of a Movie ptsd trauma workshops Jul 29, 2022

We hear a lot about trauma, from our friends and loved ones who have served in the military and experienced the horrors of war, to people who have endured abusive relationships with a spouse or a parent. Sometimes a traumatic response may occur when we’ve witnessed something awful, beyond...

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Never Try to Change Another Person Jul 28, 2022

Stephanie was in love with Kyle. They were great together. The problem was that they had very different definitions of what “together” meant. For Stephanie, it meant being firmly committed and moving toward marriage. For Kyle, it meant being together when he was around, yet his being...

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When We Fail to Develop Boundaries Jul 27, 2022

When We Fail to Develop Boundaries

Numerous problems arise when we fail to set good boundaries and maintain them. If we do not realize what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for, we can suffer from the following symptoms. Symptoms, you recall, point to the existence of an...

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Don’t Be the “Good” Spouse marriage relationships Jul 25, 2022

One aspect of setting limits with ourselves in marriage is the difficulty that comes in being the “good” spouse. In many marriages, one mate is more obviously selfish, irresponsible, withdrawn, or controlling. The other is perceived as a suffering saint, and people wonder how they...

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Boundaries and Trauma in Relationships ptsd relationships trauma workshops Jul 06, 2022

Anyone who has been in a relationship with someone who is dealing with PTSD can tell you that there are some unique and sometimes difficult dimensions to making these relationships work. It is not the fault of the individual who is suffering, but the issues are theirs.

Getting into a healthy...

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8 Things Every Healthy Relationship Needs May 11, 2022

Relationships grow in a healthy manner only as they undergo experiences, and there is no shortcut to experiences. In other words, we only "know" each other to the extent that we have experience with each other. We can know facts about the person we are dating: their friends, job, hobbies, and so...

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How to Tell if Your Relationship is a Waste of Time May 11, 2022

Laura had been in a relationship with Jason for about four years. Her biggest complaint was that he took her for granted and did not make her a priority. He was a nice guy, but too self-centered to make a relationship work. Over and over again, he would leave her feeling ignored and unimportant....

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Your Helping Could Be Hurting Someone May 10, 2022

I have long been an advocate for the role of pain and suffering in growth. It's not a masochistic approach, for I truly hate "pain for pain's sake." And besides, not all pain produces growth. Some pain is just useless suffering and produces nothing helpful at all. I hate it when I see people...

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