Why You Can’t Make Someone Grow Up

Uncategorized Dec 05, 2020

Laura was weary of Anthony’s chronic lateness in coming home from work. Because he owned his own business, he was often delayed. It seemed like such a little thing, but as time passed, Anthony’s tardiness became a big problem. Laura would arrange her day to have dinner and the kids ready on time, and she wanted Anthony to be home on time as well.

Reminding, nagging, and cajoling Anthony had been ineffective. Anthony would either defend himself by saying, “You don’t appreciate the work I have to do to put food on the table,” or he would simply deny the problem altogether by saying, “It doesn’t happen that often; you’re overreacting.” Laura ran out of strategies.

Finally, after thinking through the problem with some wise women friends, Laura came up with a two-point plan. One night, as the couple climbed into bed, she told Anthony, “Sweetheart, I want to apologize to you for my bad attitude about dinnertime.” Anthony...

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This is the Time to Take Care of Your Mental Health

Uncategorized Nov 30, 2020

I hope you’ve been having a great weekend.

I just wanted to write you a quick note to let you know that there’s not much time left on our annual Black Friday - Cyber Monday sale.

We are offering gigantic discounts on:

Click here to grab these discounts before they’re gone.

One year of our daily One Thing videos is going to help you take a giant leap forward next year, one small step at a time.

One year of following a guided learning path is going to help you finally get to a good place on the issues that you’ve been struggling with for a long time.

Giving someone a year of Boundaries.me could change the direction of their lives, and show them how much you care.

Our workshops have gotten incredible feedback. The one we did on divorce from last month really, really helped people turn their situation around. The next one we’re doing is on...

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Do You Have Time For One Thing?

Uncategorized Nov 29, 2020

One of my favorite bits of feedback that we’ve ever received was when a customer told us that, “This is the best money I spend all year.”

I want that feeling for you too, but you have to join Boundaries.Me to feel it.

Click here to save 33% on a year membership, or get even bigger savings on our other offers.

We have a 30-day money-back guarantee. No questions asked. Why worry? Just sign up today.

This year we launched a feature that’s gotten a huge reaction from subscribers.

It’s called One Thing, and here’s the gist... I give you one video every weekday, where I tell you one small step that you can take to head in the right direction. I am coaching you toward improving, one small, easily achievable step at a time. No matter how busy you are, no matter how adrift you feel, this gives you just one thing you can do, just about every day, to keep moving forward.

Imagine what your life would be like a year from now if you took one step in the...

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You Are So Worth It

Uncategorized Nov 28, 2020

How would you like to save 33-60% on help that actually works?

Click here to lock in our Black Friday pricing.

When you go to the grocery store, you can shop the perimeter of the store to find healthy food.

When you go to the gym, you know it’s the last 10% of work that really counts.

But finding help online? It’s a mess out there.

We can give you guidance that works, daily coaching, a great community to be part of, and perhaps most important of all, structure.

And we’re offering it for the lowest price of the year.

Click here to save.

Don’t miss out on:

  • Guided learning paths tailored to your individual growth goals
  • Daily coaching
  • A community of supportive, engaged people who are thinking about the same issues that you are.
  • Over 80 courses in relationship and mental health topics that our customers say have transformed their lives.

>> Don’t miss out. Click here. <<

Cheers, Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

Henry

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More Ways to I Can Help You

Uncategorized Nov 28, 2020

We’ve had a busy year at Boundaries.Me and this time of year is the perfect time to celebrate. As some of you may know, this is the time of year when we offer our best deals, and this year we are taking that further than we ever have before.

Click here to save big on everything we sell!

This year we found many new ways to serve you, and we want you to be involved in all of the new and bigger things that we’re doing next year as well.

In 2021, some of these new features will be arriving first for our Lifetime and Annual members. For example, in February we will be launching a new approach to community with a live chat feature called Office Hours. That will be available first to our Lifetime and Annual members.

We’ll also be continuing our run of online Zoom workshops, which are available as a live event and then you can stream afterward. They are regularly priced $149 but our Lifetime members receive them for free, along with the other Lifetime Membership perks,...

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Making Someone Happy Can Hurt Your Marriage

Uncategorized Nov 11, 2020

I was talking to a young man one day about his girlfriend. He was thinking about getting married, and he had questions about their relationship. Several times during the conversation, he said that something she did or something about the relationship did not “make him happy.” It was clear that this was a theme for him. She was not “making him happy.”

When I asked, he said that she wanted him to deal with some things in the relationship. He needed to do some work that took effort. It was not a “happy” time. When he had to work on the relationship, he no longer liked it.

At first, I was trying to understand what the difficulties were, but the more I listened, the more I saw that he was the difficulty. His attitude was, “If I’m not happy, something bad must be happening.” And his immediate conclusion was always that the “bad” was in someone else, not him. From his perspective, he was not part of any problem, much less...

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When Suffering Leads to Pain and When Suffering Leads to Growth

Uncategorized Nov 10, 2020

I hate exercise, but I do it. I hate lifting weights and riding my exercise bike, but I do it. I do it because, if I do, I will be healthier, will live longer, and will feel better.

So, why bring up exercise when we're talking about suffering and grief? Well, first of all, it shows you that I am naturally lazy. But seriously, I bring it up because physical exercise and suffering is analogous to personal growth and suffering. Pain can bring health. As we go through the pain of exercising our bodies, we gain strength and good things happen. But there is something else at work.

Physiologists tell us there is a reason I am sore after I lift weights: in fact, as I write this, I am really sore, as I just resumed weight lifting after several months off. I am sore because I have worked my muscles past their ability. I have stretched their capacity. After my workout, they re-create and rejuvenate and grow back to a higher level of development than before. I tear down to rebuild. And through...

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How to Process Feelings of Anger

Uncategorized Nov 10, 2020

Aspects of the self can be paired with guilt messages, and certainly, anger is one of those. Some people feel guilty whenever they feel themselves getting angry. But there is another problem with anger.

Anger is a state of protest and fight. We are wired with this emotion inside of ourselves to be “against” something. We use anger to fight injustice, unrighteousness, evil, and other bad things. Anger is a problem-solving emotion designed to protect what is good and what is valuable.

But sometimes people have not expressed anger toward bad things that have happened to them because they have happened in a context in which expressing anger would have been dangerous. So these people deny their anger.

The problem is that anger is directional. It has to be aimed at something. It is supposed to be aimed at injustice or the person who is being unfair. But if this is not possible - for example, in cases of child abuse - people will aim the anger at themselves instead. Abused...

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7 Steps to Help Someone Have More Awareness

Uncategorized Nov 10, 2020

If someone in your life behaves in a way that causes problems but he doesn’t know his behavior is a problem, you are dealing with unawareness. It can be something bothersome but not dangerous. Or it can be something life threatening, as with an alcohol, drug, or prescription pill addiction.

You may be acutely aware of the issue yourself, much more so than the person with the problem. You may want to address it with the person for his sake and yours. At the same time, you may be at a loss on how helpfully to approach him. Use the following seven steps to help that person come to awareness and find a solution to the problem:

1. Take a “Presumed Innocent” Approach
Until you know better, assume a person is innocent of bad motives or intents, and approach him accordingly. If the person truly does not know what he is doing, he needs compassion and gentleness from you. Being innocently unaware is a far cry from being resistant, defensive, or blaming. The other person may...

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What to do When Someone Gets Defensive During a Difficult Conversation

Uncategorized Nov 09, 2020

Let’s talk about people who are defensive instead of open to feedback...

I was organizing a conference with a colleague I'll call Jay. We each had different responsibilities. Jay was responsible for securing the site, making sure an overhead projector and flip chart were available and shipping books to the workshop.

The night before the event, Jay called me. "Do you have any extra copies of your books you can bring along?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I thought it would be good to sell your books at the workshop."

"But you were supposed to take care of that!" I replied.

"I had too many things to do," he said.

Trying with all my might to hang on to my patience, I said, "But we agreed that shipping books to the conference was your responsibility."

"You always concentrate on things that go wrong," he said angrily. "You never tell me about the things that I do right. Who are you to say that you always do things right?"

Jay is an example of an unsafe person. When I confronted him...

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