What to do When Someone Gets Defensive During a Difficult Conversation Nov 09, 2020

Let’s talk about people who are defensive instead of open to feedback...

I was organizing a conference with a colleague I'll call Jay. We each had different responsibilities. Jay was responsible for securing the site, making sure an overhead projector and flip chart were available and...

Continue Reading...
Keep Your Peace this Holiday Season: 7 Lessons for Better Boundaries Nov 05, 2020

This time of year is harder for some than it is for others. And even if this is your favorite time of the year, it still comes with its share of problems.

This year, my team and I have worked on a “survival kit” of sorts to help you with boundaries-related issues that come up the most...

Continue Reading...
Just Do This One Thing Today Nov 04, 2020

As Boundaries.Me members know all too well, I like to focus on One Thing. Every day I give our members One Thing to focus on in a personal video from me, and it's one small step that you can take in the right direction, every weekday. Add them all up and you're really going to get somewhere good....

Continue Reading...
How to Exist in a World with Good and Bad Nov 03, 2020

The world around us is good and bad. The people around us are good and bad. We are good and bad.

Our natural tendency is to try to resolve the problem of good and evil by keeping the good and the bad separated. We want, by nature, to experience the good me, the good other, and the good world as...

Continue Reading...
The Wise Choice You Can Make Today Nov 03, 2020

Today is a stressful day for a lot of people. You may see them freaking out on social media, talking about how the sky is falling, disowning their families, friends and coworkers. They're shouting louder than ever today. Maybe you are, too.

No matter what happens, or what you want to happen...

Continue Reading...
Why We Pick the Wrong People and How to Change That Nov 03, 2020

Note: This was written in the context of why we pick generally unsafe people to have in our lives and is not meant to place blame on victims of abuse. Abuse is never your fault. 


When we choose the wrong relationships, romantic or otherwise, many people just see it as a problem in the...

Continue Reading...
Why We Need to Connect With Others Right Now Nov 02, 2020

Social distancing is difficult because we were created to be in relationship with others. Pair that with a volatile political climate, and there are myriad reasons for relationships to feel torn apart and broken. 

But without a solid, bonded relationship, the human soul becomes mired in...

Continue Reading...
How to Break the Patterns that Make Us Miserable Nov 02, 2020

In human development, structure is internalized from the outside and becomes internal. Teach a child that if he chooses A then B is coming, he begins to think in a linear path. Therefore, he makes choices that are going to give him the B that he desires. In other words, before the misery comes,...

Continue Reading...
How to Take the Steps to Get Unstuck Oct 30, 2020

Do you ever feel like you're stuck on a path that's not leading you where you feel you ought to be going? Sometimes we can get stuck in these comfortable grooves, which because they are familiar, feel safe, but maybe aren't actually all that good for us.

Change is hard. Often, change carries a...

Continue Reading...
How to Experience the Forgiveness You Deserve to Have Oct 30, 2020

“I know that when I do something wrong, I’ve been taught that I’ll be forgiven,” said Erik. “I believe it in my head, but I just can’t feel it in my heart. I still feel ‘bad.’ “

Knowing something in our heads does not always translate to...

Continue Reading...
You Can Set Limits on Manipulative or Narcissistic Behavior Oct 30, 2020

In the alcoholic home, if a spouse chooses not to limit her drinking, this is their responsibility. However, other family members can set limits on how they will be affected by it. If an alcoholic continues to drink, the other spouse can only limit themselves, not the other person. They can say,...

Continue Reading...
Understanding What Addicts Lack in Their Lives Oct 30, 2020

An addiction is a compulsive physiological need for something, in other words, something that someone needs to survive. People are usually addicted to a specific substance, such as alcohol, cocaine, speed, or food. But people can also feel addicted to activities, such as sex, gambling, work,...

Continue Reading...