How to Take Control During A Crisis

Uncategorized Mar 26, 2020

We have all felt the anxiety hearing the replays of crucial 911 calls. We can identify with the caller in these touch and go moments. And we have heard calls sometimes where the operator doesn’t seem to “get it,” that something really frightening is happening for the person. At other times, they get it but don’t seem very caring about the person as they bark out orders in a scary tone. It’s like they have worked too many shifts and are either disengaged or frustrated.

Then you hear the good one, and it instantly feels different. You feel better for the caller and somehow even begin to have hope that something good is going to happen, a better outcome than the person is expecting. It feels like they are in “good hands.” You think, “If I ever call 911 I want that person to answer.”

So, what is the difference? What makes a good crisis operator? Are there certain ingredients that are common to the good ones, elements that we can...

Continue Reading...

4 Things You Can Do For Your Mental Health During the COVID-19 Crisis

Uncategorized Mar 25, 2020

When you go through a crisis, the first thing to go through your brain is, “Something has changed, and everything is different!” So, how do we adjust and adapt?

1. Connection. How connected you feel to others is fuel to life. In order to thrive, we have to have safe connections to other people so we can relate to them, and them to us. The entire foundation of human existence is the degree to which you are connected to other people. If you’re practicing social distancing at home, and I hope you are, make sure you’re taking time to reach out to your friends, your family and the people who give you life. I encourage you to use FaceTime, Zoom, Google, etc.

Also, my heart goes out to those of you who are working in essential industries right now. It is my prayer that you stay safe and be well during this time.

2. Structure. Our brains function well when there is structure. All of life has a structure, and our lives are designed in a way that performs best when...

Continue Reading...

The Boundaries.Me Podcast: Dr. Henry Cloud - Being Psychologically Healthy During Times of Crisis

podcast Mar 20, 2020


In this special edition of The Boundaries.Me Podcast, Dr. Henry Cloud talks about what happens to a human in a time of big crisis. How does that affect us? What are the best things that you can be doing in the midst of that for your psyche, for your heart and for your relationships? One of the things that we know about humans is that we are unbelievably resilient. We adapt. We find ways through hard times. We come out stronger on the other end. 

How to Subscribe to the Boundaries.Me Podcast

iTunes
Google Play
Spotify

Need a safe place to relate to others about this topic? Join one of Dr. Henry Cloud's Boundaries Peer Groups. 

Boundaries in Marriage
Boundaries with Codependency
Boundaries in Dating
 
Boundaries with Parents
Boundaries with Adult Children
Boundaries After Divorce
Boundaries with Narcissists
Boundaries with Kids and Teens
Boundaries in Church

Continue Reading...

The Boundaries.Me Podcast: Danny Silk - Respectful Communication

podcast Mar 19, 2020

One of the most trying parts of a relationship is when respect breaks down. When that happens, contempt is not far away, and contempt will end relationships.

In this episode of the Boundaries.Me Podcast, Danny Silk, a pastor and author, tells us about how he progressed in his relationships by setting a firm boundary around respectful communication. Between his two parents, and his wife’s two parents and step father, there have been 15 marriages. Both he and his wife come from backgrounds that did not teach about healthy relationships. Through love, and time, they discovered the peace that comes from keeping calm and showing respect in all communication. When communication breaks down and the conversation turns to anger, they’ve learned to stop and reset. 

It’s not an easy thing to do, and it takes practice, but learning to stop yourself from speaking or listening when anger and frustration are steering the conversation is one of the most important lessons to...

Continue Reading...

The Boundaries.Me Podcast: Jo Saxton - Guarding Yourself From Your Flaws

podcast Mar 17, 2020

Boundaries can free us to lead our lives by unburdening us from our flaws and past mistakes. It’s like a quarantine. It may seem as though boundaries prevent freedom, but in most cases, it’s the exact opposite. 

In this episode of Dr. Henry Cloud’s Boundaries.Me Podcast, Jo Saxton, an author, public speaker, and host of the Lead Stories Podcast, tells us about how setting a boundary around her brokenness was a turning point in her life. Pain will do all kinds of things to the mind, and our first reactions to mental pain when we’re young often exacerbate things. That’s part of Jo’s story. She found solace in denial, and in drinking too much. It happens all the time. Through some good luck and hard work, she found a way to move forward and to forgive her flaws by releasing them to a boundary. She knew there were consequences to going to certain places in her mind, and setting the boundary freed her to start leading her life. 

Guest Links

...
Continue Reading...

Your Anger is Valid. Don't Deny It.

Uncategorized Mar 16, 2020

Many people conceal their negative feelings of anger, sadness, and fear. These people are unable to cope with good and bad because they have never processed these negative feelings, and they suffer from many problems, such as fear of relationships, depressions, and anxiety as a result. Negative feelings are valid, and they must be dealt with so they won't cause problems. 
 
Anger, our most basic negative emotion, tell us that something is wrong. We tend to protect the good we don't want to lose. Anger is a signal that we are in danger of losing something that matters to us. When people are taught to suppress their anger, they are taught to be out of touch with what matters to them. It is good to feel angry because anger warns us of danger and shows us what needs protecting. But, we are not to be mean or abusive in our attempt to solve a problem. This would mean to resolve it in some unloving way and would ultimately hurt us as well as each other. 
 
Major...

Continue Reading...

The Boundaries.Me Podcast: Pat Lencioni - Boundaries Around What Matters Most

podcast Mar 12, 2020

What matters most to you? This is often the first place to start when we begin creating boundaries in our lives.

In this episode of Dr. Henry Cloud’s Boundaries.Me podcast, Pat Lencioni shares with us his story of creating a boundary around prioritizing his family. He’s discovered that boundaries start with his family, and that if work or other relationships begin to take precedent, he suffers. Ironically, he’s found that by keeping his time with his family sacred, he’s more efficient at work, sees increased productivity, and has healthier relationships overall. Pat says the boundary isn’t necessarily about time, but the emphasis is around prioritizing his family’s needs and the role he plays in their life to serve them. Having this boundary, he says, gives him peace.

So, consider this: Boundaries do us no good if they’re not maintained. If you make a boundary with the emotional consequences in mind, you’ll  feel when it’s...

Continue Reading...

Say No. Set Boundaries. Feel Better.

Uncategorized Mar 12, 2020

Jenna used to believe that she would never learn how to say no and make it stick. But, as she sat at her kitchen table with a teacup in hand, she felt amazed. It was an unfamiliar sensation, but a pleasant one. Her mind wandered back to the events of the morning.

Her 13-year-old son, Bryan, had begun the day with his usual waking-up shenanigans. He sulked and pouted his way to the breakfast table, announcing, “I’m not going to school — and no one’s going to make me!”

Normally Jenna would have either tried to talk Bryan into attending school, or blown up at him in frustration. However, this morning was different. Jenna simply said, “You’re right, Honey. No one can make you go to school. That has to be something you choose to do. However, if you don’t choose to go to school, you are choosing to stay in your room all day with no phone, no TV and no electronics. But that’s something you’ll have to decide for yourself. What are...

Continue Reading...

How to Confront an Addict About Their Problem

Uncategorized Mar 11, 2020

Being emotionally present and connected while we are confronting another person is the first essential of any good conversation. It truly requires a work of grace in us. And if you're taking the first steps to address a problem with an addict, emotional tone means everything. 

Being present refers to being in touch and in tune with our own feelings as well as those of the other person. This is an important skill, because when we are “there” – that is, emotionally present – we are available to the other person. He is not shut off from us while we are telling him a difficult reality about himself and the relationship. It is hard for anyone to absorb a confrontation. Presence and connection help to make that tolerable.

A boundary conversation is very difficult, especially if you're talking to someone who struggles with addiction, because it feels unnatural – and it is unnatural, in that the natural person within us does not think this way. On our own,...

Continue Reading...

The Boundaries.Me Podcast: Christine Caine - Stop Taking Everything Personally

podcast Mar 10, 2020

Have you ever received criticism that stuck with you? Most of us can think back to something someone said that offended us, and we’re still carrying that doubt or shame.

In this episode of Dr. Henry Cloud’s Boundaries.Me Podcast, Christine Caine -- an activist, author, and public speaker -- shares with us the story of how she came to realize she was taking personal offense far too often. It was undermining her working relationships and taking a toll on the rest of her life. She took some growth steps to understand that if she started to take criticism personally, she was really being triggered by something else.

We have to learn to observe what’s happening to us in order to change it, and that’s the boundary she set: when the offense-alarm went off, rather than getting defensive, she goes to a place of observation. This practice has led her to peace and healthier relationships. 


The Propel Leadership Conference

Join Dr. Henry Cloud and Christine Cain on...

Continue Reading...
Close

50% Complete

Two Step

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.