The person who needs something is less likely to ask. Here’s why.

Uncategorized Oct 20, 2017

Have you ever heard yourself say, "Whatever possessed me to say yes to this in the first place? Why didn't I just say no?" Or, after negotiating a deal, have you ever thought, "Why didn't I ask for ___? I could kick myself!" Chances are, you're not alone, but if it happens, it poses a problem. It reveals that sometimes you and your words are not on the same page.

You desire one outcome, but your words take you to a different one.

Do you catch yourself responding to requests with, "I don't think I can _______" instead of saying, "No, I cannot do that," leaving the door open for them to push back?

When I say you have a relationship to words, that may be an idea you have never thought about. But what we find is that in the depths of people's souls – where true behavior and its resulting success or chaos originates – there is a relationship with certain words. The nature of that relationship dictates a lot of what happens in people's lives. If the relationship is good and...

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When Your Boundaries are Violated Through Abuse

Uncategorized Oct 19, 2017

It’s rarely good when boundaries are in the news, and the past several months been no exception. Stories have been coming out, a trickle at first, and then an avalanche, of men who have abused their power, violating the boundaries and dignity of women in Hollywood, in Silicon Valley, and beyond. Of course we know that these stories are not limited to celebrities and executives.

These events have inspired a wave of discussions across social media platforms. Many women have updated their Facebook status with the phrase ‘Me too,’ to express solidarity with other victims of sexual assault and harassment. Perhaps you, like many others, have felt emotionally triggered by this conversation, provoking painful emotional responses you didn’t expect to feel.

You know that establishing boundaries for yourself is difficult, especially if you were abused in some the past. No one who hasn’t experienced this victimization can truly understand what you’ve been...

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Welcome to Boundaries.me

Uncategorized Oct 16, 2017

When I wrote Boundaries with my friend John Townsend 25 years ago, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. We had a hunch that there was a thing that could maybe help a lot of people, but had no idea what it would become.

We had written a book called Changes That Heal, and in that book, there was a short section on personal Boundaries.

After Changes That Heal came out, we would go out and speak with groups of people about the book. Usually, there would be a q&a afterward, or some sort of meet & greet event.

No one wanted to talk about anything but boundaries. Seriously. This small section of Changes That Heal was all anyone wanted to talk about. So, we decided to write another book, this time, focusing on Boundaries, so we could address the issues that people were asking us about and have something to point people to when they asked us about boundaries... you know, so we could move on to talking about other subjects.

Little did we know! That was not going to...

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