Gaslighting is Brutal May 03, 2023

Have you ever had someone try to convince you that what you know to be true is, in fact, not true? How far did they take it? What were they trying to accomplish? Were they trying to gain control over you? Were they trying to dictate what reality is, and what it should feel like, for you?

We've...

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Learn the Causes of Your Anxiety Apr 21, 2023

Anxiety can shut us down and make our lives smaller. It will limit our lives and limit our performance. I don't want a small life for you, so I want you to understand what is going on with your anxiety so that you can begin to work through it.

Some of the causes of anxiety are biological, and...

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How to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation Apr 19, 2023

Preparing for a difficult conversation can be, in and of itself, a daunting and difficult task. You get overcome by a nervous feeling, a sense of dread about how it may go. You question whether you might not be better off continuing to put up with whatever the issue is. You worry about their...

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When People Get Angry at Your Boundaries Apr 17, 2023

I love when people are first beginning to learn how to set boundaries. There is a moment that they sometimes find discouraging, but which I know is the signal that they're doing a great job. That moment is when they come up to me and say, "Hey, you know what? I did all that stuff that you told me...

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Forgiveness Addresses the Past Apr 14, 2023

A key idea about forgiveness that too many people get wrong is this: forgiveness addresses the past. If the issue is ongoing, it's not the past. You forgive people for something that they did in the past, not for something that they are doing in the present.

Sometimes people ask us to forgive...

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What is Depression? Apr 12, 2023

Let's start with some hopeful news. Depression is treatable. It is one of the areas of mental health about which we know the most, and have made the most progress in providing effective care. So, if you or someone you know is dealing with depression, you can feel reassured that real help is...

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Saying No to People You Care About Apr 10, 2023

There is a problem that comes up when you need to say "no" to someone you care about, and it can come up on our side of the fence, or it can come up on their side. The problem occurs when people make an inflexible association between love and the word "yes."

People that do this wind up feeling...

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Understanding How We Get Caught in Controlling Relationships Apr 07, 2023

Setting aside the possibility that you are in an unsafe situation, such as with a person who is abusive in some way, the only way that a person can control us is if we give them control over us. We don't always mean to, but usually, we hand that power over to someone else, and then they use it to...

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Boundaries and Secrets Apr 05, 2023

The word transparency can mean a lot of things in a relationship, but we're going to talk about a specific distinction that is important when thinking about boundaries and transparency. That is: the difference between personal information and secrets.

There is a phrase I love that you tend to...

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Finding Your Safe People Apr 03, 2023

Our relationships are the most powerful in our lives, for good and for bad. Our best relationships fuel us. They help us to grow and to be our best selves, they connect us with our purpose, and they connect us with other safe people. They bring us closer to our values, and to God. Unsafe people...

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Search for SuitABILITY Mar 20, 2023

The founder and chairman of the board of a company reached out to me, saying, “I need some help. Can we get together and talk?” His company’s new CEO had great understanding, motive and other qualities of trust, but one important one was missing: the ability needed in the...

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What Anger Tells Us Mar 17, 2023

Anger has the capacity to either destroy a relationship or save one. How can one emotion be so destructive and yet have the potential to save a relationship? It all depends on how that anger is used.

Anger functions as a signal to let us know about our current state of being. All emotions are...

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