Conflict is normal in love. It is not a relationship-ender; it is part of love. You need to know this, because it is true. In fact, good conflict enhances a good love life. Am I kidding? No. This may not make sense, at least on the surface. But be open, and press on.
Sometimes couples have the i...
I hesitate to use the word “power” here. It seems hackneyed, like we are going back to the eighties. Power ties, power lunches, power suits. The last thing I want to sound like is one of those motivational speaker types telling you to find the power within. So accept my disclaimer. But pop psycholog...
Problem:
Someone in your life regularly makes you feel bad, under threat, uncertain and insecure, or thwarts your progress toward meeting your needs or realizing a goal that you wish to accomplish. You are not sure whether the problem is your fault or theirs, or somewhere in between.
Solution:
L...
Getting away from feeling bad because of a situation that you find yourself in, or because you’re in a relationship with someone who mistreats you, is a really strong goal. It can be difficult to imagine the way out though. There are so many steps. You rely upon them. Or you don’t want to hurt their...
Conflict is not all the same. The rules are different for different kinds of conflict. If one of you comes home late without calling, for example, then confession and an apology are in order. But if you are disagreeing about where to go for dinner, no one should have to grovel as if he has committed...
We hear a lot about trauma, from our friends and loved ones who have served in the military and experienced the horrors of war, to people who have endured abusive relationships with a spouse or a parent. Sometimes a traumatic response may occur when we’ve witnessed something awful, beyond what we ca...
Stephanie was in love with Kyle. They were great together. The problem was that they had very different definitions of what “together” meant. For Stephanie, it meant being firmly committed and moving toward marriage. For Kyle, it meant being together when he was around, yet his being free to pursue ...
When We Fail to Develop Boundaries
Numerous problems arise when we fail to set good boundaries and maintain them. If we do not realize what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for, we can suffer from the following symptoms. Symptoms, you recall, point to the existence of an under...
One aspect of setting limits with ourselves in marriage is the difficulty that comes in being the “good” spouse. In many marriages, one mate is more obviously selfish, irresponsible, withdrawn, or controlling. The other is perceived as a suffering saint, and people wonder how they tolerate the pain ...
Anyone who has been in a relationship with someone who is dealing with PTSD can tell you that there are some unique and sometimes difficult dimensions to making these relationships work. It is not the fault of the individual who is suffering, but the issues are theirs.
Getting into a healthy relati...
Relationships grow in a healthy manner only as they undergo experiences, and there is no shortcut to experiences. In other words, we only "know" each other to the extent that we have experience with each other. We can know facts about the person we are dating: their friends, job, hobbies, and so for...
Laura had been in a relationship with Jason for about four years. Her biggest complaint was that he took her for granted and did not make her a priority. He was a nice guy, but too self-centered to make a relationship work. Over and over again, he would leave her feeling ignored and unimportant. She...
