Making Someone Happy Can Hurt Your Marriage Nov 11, 2020

I was talking to a young man one day about his girlfriend. He was thinking about getting married, and he had questions about their relationship. Several times during the conversation, he said that something she did or something about the relationship did not “make him happy.” It was...

Continue Reading...
How to Process Feelings of Anger Nov 10, 2020

Aspects of the self can be paired with guilt messages, and certainly, anger is one of those. Some people feel guilty whenever they feel themselves getting angry. But there is another problem with anger.

Anger is a state of protest and fight. We are wired with this emotion inside of ourselves to...

Continue Reading...
7 Steps to Help Someone Have More Awareness Nov 10, 2020

If someone in your life behaves in a way that causes problems but he doesn’t know his behavior is a problem, you are dealing with unawareness. It can be something bothersome but not dangerous. Or it can be something life threatening, as with an alcohol, drug, or prescription pill addiction....

Continue Reading...
What to do When Someone Gets Defensive During a Difficult Conversation Nov 09, 2020

Let’s talk about people who are defensive instead of open to feedback...

I was organizing a conference with a colleague I'll call Jay. We each had different responsibilities. Jay was responsible for securing the site, making sure an overhead projector and flip chart were available and...

Continue Reading...
Keep Your Peace this Holiday Season: 7 Lessons for Better Boundaries Nov 05, 2020

This time of year is harder for some than it is for others. And even if this is your favorite time of the year, it still comes with its share of problems.

This year, my team and I have worked on a “survival kit” of sorts to help you with boundaries-related issues that come up the most...

Continue Reading...
Just Do This One Thing Today Nov 04, 2020

As Boundaries.Me members know all too well, I like to focus on One Thing. Every day I give our members One Thing to focus on in a personal video from me, and it's one small step that you can take in the right direction, every weekday. Add them all up and you're really going to get somewhere good....

Continue Reading...
How to Exist in a World with Good and Bad Nov 03, 2020

The world around us is good and bad. The people around us are good and bad. We are good and bad.

Our natural tendency is to try to resolve the problem of good and evil by keeping the good and the bad separated. We want, by nature, to experience the good me, the good other, and the good world as...

Continue Reading...
The Wise Choice You Can Make Today Nov 03, 2020

Today is a stressful day for a lot of people. You may see them freaking out on social media, talking about how the sky is falling, disowning their families, friends and coworkers. They're shouting louder than ever today. Maybe you are, too.

No matter what happens, or what you want to happen...

Continue Reading...
Why We Pick the Wrong People and How to Change That Nov 03, 2020

Note: This was written in the context of why we pick generally unsafe people to have in our lives and is not meant to place blame on victims of abuse. Abuse is never your fault. 


When we choose the wrong relationships, romantic or otherwise, many people just see it as a problem in the...

Continue Reading...
Why We Need to Connect With Others Right Now Nov 02, 2020

Social distancing is difficult because we were created to be in relationship with others. Pair that with a volatile political climate, and there are myriad reasons for relationships to feel torn apart and broken. 

But without a solid, bonded relationship, the human soul becomes mired in...

Continue Reading...
How to Break the Patterns that Make Us Miserable Nov 02, 2020

In human development, structure is internalized from the outside and becomes internal. Teach a child that if he chooses A then B is coming, he begins to think in a linear path. Therefore, he makes choices that are going to give him the B that he desires. In other words, before the misery comes,...

Continue Reading...
How to Take the Steps to Get Unstuck Oct 30, 2020

Do you ever feel like you're stuck on a path that's not leading you where you feel you ought to be going? Sometimes we can get stuck in these comfortable grooves, which because they are familiar, feel safe, but maybe aren't actually all that good for us.

Change is hard. Often, change carries a...

Continue Reading...