Trauma is Like Being Stuck in One Scene of a Movie ptsd trauma workshops Jul 29, 2022

We hear a lot about trauma, from our friends and loved ones who have served in the military and experienced the horrors of war, to people who have endured abusive relationships with a spouse or a parent. Sometimes a traumatic response may occur when we’ve witnessed something awful, beyond...

Continue Reading...
Never Try to Change Another Person Jul 28, 2022

Stephanie was in love with Kyle. They were great together. The problem was that they had very different definitions of what “together” meant. For Stephanie, it meant being firmly committed and moving toward marriage. For Kyle, it meant being together when he was around, yet his being...

Continue Reading...
When We Fail to Develop Boundaries Jul 27, 2022

When We Fail to Develop Boundaries

Numerous problems arise when we fail to set good boundaries and maintain them. If we do not realize what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for, we can suffer from the following symptoms. Symptoms, you recall, point to the existence of an...

Continue Reading...
Don’t Be the “Good” Spouse marriage relationships Jul 25, 2022

One aspect of setting limits with ourselves in marriage is the difficulty that comes in being the “good” spouse. In many marriages, one mate is more obviously selfish, irresponsible, withdrawn, or controlling. The other is perceived as a suffering saint, and people wonder how they...

Continue Reading...
Boundaries and Trauma in Relationships ptsd relationships trauma workshops Jul 06, 2022

Anyone who has been in a relationship with someone who is dealing with PTSD can tell you that there are some unique and sometimes difficult dimensions to making these relationships work. It is not the fault of the individual who is suffering, but the issues are theirs.

Getting into a healthy...

Continue Reading...
8 Things Every Healthy Relationship Needs May 10, 2022

Relationships grow in a healthy manner only as they undergo experiences, and there is no shortcut to experiences. In other words, we only "know" each other to the extent that we have experience with each other. We can know facts about the person we are dating: their friends, job, hobbies, and so...

Continue Reading...
How to Tell if Your Relationship is a Waste of Time May 10, 2022

Laura had been in a relationship with Jason for about four years. Her biggest complaint was that he took her for granted and did not make her a priority. He was a nice guy, but too self-centered to make a relationship work. Over and over again, he would leave her feeling ignored and unimportant....

Continue Reading...
Your Helping Could Be Hurting Someone May 10, 2022

I have long been an advocate for the role of pain and suffering in growth. It's not a masochistic approach, for I truly hate "pain for pain's sake." And besides, not all pain produces growth. Some pain is just useless suffering and produces nothing helpful at all. I hate it when I see people...

Continue Reading...
The Two Ways We Truly Find What Makes Us Happy May 05, 2022

There's so much research that tells us material things do not bring us happiness. When I look at all of the scientific research on happiness and thriving, and I looked at what all the studies have found in the last decade or more, it's amazing. There are ways of living that make you happy whether...

Continue Reading...
9 Ways Words Kill a Relationship May 05, 2022

In a group I was leading once, a man held the floor for some time. He’d go off on tangents, change the subject and spend inordinate amounts of time on irrelevant details.

(I promise it wasn’t me this time.)

He couldn’t seem to get to the point. Other members were spacing out,...

Continue Reading...
How We Find Safe Relationships with Others May 05, 2022

After 30 years in the profession of helping people, I have come to understand something: we cause much of our pain by the people we choose. In every kind of clinical issue that psychologists deal with, relationships are a big part of the picture in some way.

(Now, I'm not saying that victims of...

Continue Reading...
Don’t Put Up With Mind Games in Relationships Apr 22, 2022

There is truth to the idea that we appreciate things that don’t come too easily, but at the same time, things have to be achievable. Good restaurants generally require a reservation’ you just cannot walk in. Why? Because they don’t allow it? No, that’s not why. Rather,...

Continue Reading...